Please Do Your Laundry

I kind of have the habits of a teenage boy. I’m not completely disgusting, I always have clean hair and I don’t ever keep rotten food or anything in my room. However, I don’t do my laundry every single week, I sometimes go to class without brushing my hair, and once in a while during the summer or a school break, I will wear the same clothes three days in a row. I like looking pretty and put together, but at the same time, as soon as I come home, I’ll rip off whatever decent pair of pants I’m wearing and scramble into a pair of pajama shorts. If I’m not going to go anywhere where I need to impress a person, I often won’t wear makeup, or I’ll just put a tiny bit of concealer and mascara on. I guess to put it nicely, I’m very low maintenance.

This kind of bit me in the butt this morning. I had a pretty important job interview today. It was technically a mock interview, but it was still kind of a big deal. I’ve had to jump through a lot of hoops to get to this mock interview, and I was kind of nervous about it. I woke up three hours before the interview, leisurely made coffee and ate a protein bar, and watched the very grown up show “Zoey 101” while waking up. I took a shower, shaved my legs (this is a very big accomplishment for me. I hate shaving my legs. I will do anything to avoid it), and I actually had the time to put lotion on, which I never make time for and I always walk around with white scratch marks all over my legs because they’re so dry. Then I decided to throw a load of laundry in quickly before I left, just because I had a little bit of extra time and I thought I would be super responsible and kill two birds with one stone. I was going to do a load of whites and my makeup at the same time, and wow, I’m a swell adult. So I’m doing my makeup, taking a little extra time with it, even seeing if today one of those days when I could rock red lipstick was. It was, in fact, one of those days. I was feeling super feminine, and I looked pretty hot, to say so myself. I had about 15 minutes to get dressed before I needed to head to my interview, and I was feeling pretty good. I went into my closet to grab a bra, and that’s when doom fell.

I HAD NO BRAS.

I don’t own a lot of bras. Because I hadn’t done laundry in a couple of weeks, they had all ended up in the wash and now they were all IN THE WASHING MACHINE, SOPPING WET. I pretty much had a panic attack. I didn’t have enough time to dry my wet bras. I couldn’t borrow any of my roommate’s, cuz I have the biggest boobs in the apartment. I couldn’t, like, wear a bikini top instead, because for some reason they do not fit. I don’t understand. I am a petite, 5’2’’ girl. I should fit into an XXL swimsuit top. I wasted 10 minutes running around the apartment and my closet like a crazy person, praying that I had forgotten to wash one bra, that I would be saved and the heavens would shine upon me again. I may be a bit of a mess of a teenage boy at heard, I am NOT boyish in any sense of my form. I can’t go out in public with no bra like some lucky girls can. These babies will float up into the stratosphere if I let them loose. But, I had no choice.

SO I WENT TO THIS VERY VERY IMPORTANT JOB INTERVIEW WITH NO BRA.

I put on a cami with a little sport-bra like thing sort of built inside. It honestly didn’t do much to help, but at least the beasts were somewhat contained. I threw on a pencil skirt, looked in the mirror, and almost screamed. The girls were not tamed as usual. I looked like a hippie woman trying out for a lawyer form, but still not wanting to conform to the laws of society. Luckily, I have this highly structured blazer in my closet, and when I threw that on, I looked somewhat like a human being instead of a cow with a swollen udder.

            So yeah, that was my day. The interview went really well. The woman kept telling me how cute I looked, so apparently the no-bra look works for me. It was just one of those crazy stories that I needed to write down for all of eternity. I, Kira Lange, went to a professional interview without a bra on. I usually can’t even stand going to bed with no bra on, and I went to this job interview with no bra. And that, ladies, is why you do not have the habits of a teenage boy, and please, please do your laundry. 

-k