I have encountered four kinds of crushes in my life. I’ve definitely liked more than four guys in my life, but all of them definitely fall into four categories: The Celebrity, The Unattainable, The Crush that Crushes, and the Mutual.
The Celebrity Crush: I have a lot of these. They range from David Tennant to Chris Pratt, from Harrison Ford to the guy who plays Hook on Once Upon a Time and I can’t remember his name but he’s won lots of awards and he’s super sexy. These crushes are probably incredibly unhealthy, but hey, what crush of mine isn’t? I get very excited when I hear these actors’ names and I do admit, I have spent a large amount of time looking at cute pictures of them on the internet. But, hey, what are the pictures take for except for people to look at them, huh? At least the guys I have celebrity crushes are good role models. Not like… I don’t know… Justin Bieber or Kanye West or whatever. But, I have probably watched Jurassic World more than any other movie in theaters (at least voluntarily), and believe you me, it’s not to watch the special effects or see the dinosaurs (well… partly. The baby triceratops are like, super cute).
The Unattainable Crush: This is the kind of crush where you just kind of pass by them and make a little inward sigh every time they glance your way. I usually never even talk to these crushes… Or maybe they talked to me once and I was like… whoa. What the heck is happening. These crushes happen simply because the guy is really really pretty, and actually he’s probably a little bit of a jerk, but that’s okay ‘cuz wow, his face is gorgeous.
The Crush that Crushes: I am SUPER familiar with this kind of crush. Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually get feelings for guys that easily. Like, I’ll find them attractive, I’ll maybe blush a little when they tease me, but I don’t actually fall in “like” that easily. This last one… wow. It happened fast. He made me mac ‘n cheese… I mean, what am I supposed to do? I’ve always said mac ‘n cheese is the fastest way to my heart. And he’s sweet and funny and he loves Star Wars almost more than I do, and he plays the trombone and he’s always wearing Converse that are like, almost the same shade as mine, and he tried to buy me ice cream on my birthday but I wouldn’t let him and his eyes are super, super blue and he told me he would take me to Chick Fil A ‘cuz I haven’t been there in like, six years. And… and he likes another girl that’s like exactly the opposite of me. She’s really thin and athletic and she has these gigantic eyes that honestly take up half her face and she reminds me of Monica Geller from F.R.I.E.N.D.S and I’m really sad about it. Like, weirdly sad. ‘Cuz I’ve only known this guy for a month and why in the world do I look forward to seeing him every day? Like, jeez, I thought I was a little stronger than actually, literally PINING to see him if I don’t. I also have this weird thing where I know exactly where he is in a room without even looking, like, my eyes just happen to fall on him every time we’re in the same room. And when I learned that he liked another girl, it like, physically hurt. And it still kind of hurts every time I see him. Like, get a grip, Kira. Jeez. It’s not the end of the world.
The Mutual Crush: Apparently, this legendary state of being exists. I’ve never actually experienced it, but I’ve heard from other people that it’s like, this super cool thing where you BOTH actually have feelings for each other, and you like… continue having mutual feelings for each other until, and this is only myth, but SOMETIMES you have those mutual feelings for so long, people get metal bands that symbolize those feelings and call it marriage, and even produce small people that also grow up to have those mutual feelings for other small people. (you can almost taste the sarcasm. Jeez)